Musings
by Prose Vanity
Summary: #11, Five Things part one: five things that drive Natsume crazy.
1. Thankful for Fluff Puffs

**M U S I N G S  
**_P r o s e V a n i t y_

* * *

_One_  
**Thankful for Fluff Puffs**

Youichi had always wondered about his _Onee-chan_ and _Onii-chan_.

Most of the time more on his Nee-chan, though.

He still remembered, although vaguely, wondering about her the day she saw him eat fluff puffs at Central Town.

He also recalls the smile on his onee-chan gave him when he first saw her. He wondered why she smiled so much even though he and his onii-chan picked on her a lot.

He also wondered why she always screamed.

He wondered why he liked her. But then he remembered: he liked her eyes first. They were big and funny-looking, but he also liked yellow and orange best, and he thought it was pretty that she had those colors in her eyes while he only had green, boring and dull green. There was so much green around the school that he was getting bored with the color already. In fact, he even liked her eyes more than his onii-chan's red ones. He liked red but it was too bright sometimes.

Not that there's much to wonder about. Not to _him_, anyway.

Because through his five-year-old eyes he saw no more than two people of completely opposite personalities miraculously getting along with each other. It was like putting red and pink in a drawing of a lion—it just didn't make sense to him at all. And besides, they always yelled a lot at each other. His onee-chan likes this, his onii-chan likes that. And then he'd listen as they argue and then see them give in and choose something more of a middle ground. And then they'd talk and he would hear his onee-chan mumbling about getting fluff puffs.

It made him wonder how they can stand next to each other and talk even though they were obviously not the same. Because he really can't imagine a lion in a coat of pink and red stripes.

Sometimes, though, when he's smug (which was most of the time really), he likes to think he's one of the bonds that keep them together. And sometimes, too, he thinks he belongs in a family, one which he never really knew and often wondered about, too.

He doesn't really know anything yet, except that Mikan is more of his _Okaa-san_ and Natsume is his _Tou-san_.

And that according to his Tou-san, the girl with the curly green hair was a big, ugly hag.

* * *

_A kid's mind is highly subjective to changes and rapid flows of thought, and Youichi is a really smart boy, too, so I wrote this one with the topic moving to and fro because I figured the kid's still young and highly imaginative._

_I like writing from Youichi's point of view. It was fun. Makes me think less of the grown-up stuff and more on lollipops and cotton candies and lots of pink and red lions..._

_~Ashleeeey! :D_


	2. Silences

**Ashy-note **For _Stalker_, just to pacify you, you twittering little owl (or penguin, I should say) because I freakin' MISS you and you aren't showing up anywhere; _Easily Writtem_, because I miss my little sister so damn much; and _Suicidal Ferret_, because if you got my PM, you'd know what this is about.

And I'm not just dedicating this _chapter_ to them, I'm dedicating the entire _set_.

* * *

Tw_o_ **S_i_l****_e_nc_e_s**

Just because I've had enough doesn't mean I'm giving up.

But it's not fair. The way the game is played is nowhere near the rules, and I feel like an idiot for playing along the rules when obviously the other side isn't.

There's something in the subtle reluctance to speak, the quiet refusal of offers, the small denials of the truth, that rattles my brain.

There's something that I don't understand with the way the words come tumbling over each other, each not quite fitting the next.

There's something in the goodbyes that I keep hearing that makes me want to think goodbye is more than just a bid of farewell. Something tells me it's a fine spun way to say I shouldn't let go.

Problem is I think I should already do just that.

I've heard enough, saw enough, felt enough. But worse than that is the fact that I never seemed to hear what I wanted to hear, see what I had to see, feel what I needed to feel.

I've never had enough courage, anyway. I've always been dumb and alone and stupid, compared to the brains and guts I'm dealing with. I'm simply a kitten against a tiger, no matter how I try to hold up with a cracking facade on the outside. I'm human, too, though it seems the world around me isn't.

Well, naturally it isn't because technically the world isn't exactly _human_, but the point is there. It's always _been_ there.

I've grown tired of endless tirades of non-sycophantic remarks, the idle torments, the small endearing gestures that bring up a lot of mixed understandings that often lead to _mis_understandings. I always wanted it understood. I always thought I had given off enough to make it known that I want everything to be clear as crystal. I had always known everyone to have figured that part of me out.

Sometimes sourly I laugh to myself.

And I thought I was the one with problems. Guess not.

Because I'm not the one sending cryptic signals. I'm not the one who says things that mean one way or the other. I'm not the cold one. I'm not the one who speaks in stretching silences. I'm not the one who keeps throwing off all efforts casually. I'm not the difficulty.

No, I'm not the taker. I'm the _giver_. And all I ever did was give and give and give, being so naively selfless and idiotic.

I'm the pathetic one. I'm the ignorant one. I'm the silly one.

I'm the one who ends up baffled by everything said and done.

I make all amends, trying to set things right...but no. I ask and all I get are questions in return. That, or nothing at all.

And then I get a line that says "drop it" or "shut up"?

Hah.

I'm far from shutting up.

_No_.

I can_not, _and I _will _not. I refuse to let it drop. I refuse to hear the stupid alibis. I refuse to accept just hints and stoke denials. I will defy all further abnegations and I swear I won't stop until I get what I'm asking for.

I've been turned down so many times before, for the same reasons, over and over again that the routine is just tiring me out.

I've been cowardly, just dogging along the footsteps.

But times have changed. I won't let that happen now.

So I won't seal my mouth.

Never.

Not in a lifetime, or even past that.

And neither am I letting go.

Not until I hear the reasons. Not until I hear straight from those stone-cold lips.

Because I love her just like that, and this pain is something I'd always be willing to withstand.

If there's anything to stand for.

* * *

_Because I sometimes wonder how Ruka feels when Hotaru barely acknowledges his presence and just steadily ignores him, or how Narumi felt about Yuka running away with Izumi. I bet it hurt, more than anyone ever dares let on in their writings._

_~Ash._


	3. The Price to Pay

**Ashy-note** Call it my playground or whatever, I don't care; one of the purposes of this fic is for me to play around with my characters a bit, too. So, yeah.

By the way, whoever is the user who reviewed me under the name _Name_, thanks so much. You have a way with giving me hope, although looking back I saw your point about the lion a little irrelevant. Maybe that's just another skip of the mind? :D Thanks anyway.

So whoever you are. my dear, this chapter's for you (though it's a little inappropriate because it's a teensy bit bitter, I hope you don't mind).

-/-

Three **The Price to Pay**

* * *

It's a harsh reality.

Distance could sometimes be too much for anybody—for her, at least, if she could even consider herself human still. Being too far away causes too much turbulence, disdain, among friends and lovers, among family…

She tries not to be so obvious when everything comes to the point that she misses people so much, but just as the laws of nature so unfairly declare, all things have a limit. And so, time after time after time, she fails and falters, and sometimes those thick walls, the multi-hued masks, and all the fortified alloy armors she put on all crack and break and somehow the feelings she struggle against leak out and poison her near-perfect façade.

To her it was all about charades. The best one at hiding her weaknesses wins. And at some point her views are right, because she believes (and nothing can sway her) that weaknesses are the main points where you are easily hit - a statement worthy of a hearty "_duh_." It's your Achilles' Heel, it's your utmost downfall, and everything else will soon come crashing afterwards. Everyone has weaknesses, she accepts that, and so she believes nobody can be called "weak" without a valid reason. And to her, the valid reason is none other than when that "idiot shows her weaknesses to other idiots." It's her belief, it's her conviction. And so strong is her faith in this ideology that now, as she spills out everything, she feels like one of those idiots who show their weaknesses…maybe not to other idiots, but exposing her vulnerabilities all the same.

And then there's the alibi: she's human, she's entitled to the idea of showing weaknesses.

Needless to say it was her fault in the first place. It was herself who put her own heart against the challenge of remaining nonchalant for the rest of her life. It was her fault that she's chained to the pain of having to _not_ care, to not show any kind of emotion. It was her who dealt herself the final blow.

She's trying to fix everything, however. She's cleaning up her mess, trying to be a little more cheerful, a little more sociable, but they won't work. She knows they won't, and that they never will. And it's useless, absolutely; she knows that more than anyone else. But she tries.

Because she can't lose to herself.

Even though she already has.

…And all the rest are futile attempts to try and patch up the clear scars that are beginning to show underneath the thin layer of her skin.

* * *

_It's entitled The Price to Pay because this is a depiction of the price Yuka had to pay for giving up her happiness for revenge and all the other things she did._

_A little review wouldn't kill you, but it would definitely keep me alive. (:_

_~Ash._


	4. Her

**Ashy-note** This is a sequel to a one-shot I posted earlier on (_Him_) and it was too short so I posted it here instead. (:

I'd dedicate this to someone, but I'm not yet good enough for that (in my opinion) so for the meantime I'll just give a hint of whom I want to dedicate this to: to the greatest KokoSumire advocate I've ever known, who is loved by most everyone and who just takes ages to update.

Enjoy?

-/-

**Her  
**_Sequel to _Him

* * *

He hated green.

No, he _detested_ it. _Loathed_ it. Was _disgusted_ by the sheer idea of it.

He absolutely _abhorred_ the stupid color; it was the color of vomit, of snot… it was the color of the sickening moss and lichens that clung stubbornly to his windows whenever he neglected to clean them, and those mulish organisms always gave him a hard time when room inspection was close at hand.

There were many ways in which he hated the color. Green, jade, emerald, olive, lime… call it what you want it doesn't change anything to him.

Green was… _green_.

In neons, green would have to be the most head-achingly bright color next to pink.

In pastels, green was the dullest.

In food, green meant vegetables, and to him vegetables were the utmost disgust of his life.

In fairy tales, green was the colors of dragon meat, of swamps, of ogres, of toads, of poisonous smoke, of stench socks—simply put it was the color of all the grossest things.

Add to that is the fact that green was Narumi's favorite color, second only to purple.

_That_ made it all the more clear to him that green was to be ostracized for the rest of its existence.

But of course, he loved green for a dozen other reasons, but only one in particular stood out.

He loved green because it was the color of seaweed…

* * *

We all know who he is and who he's talking about, right? (:

~_Ashleeeeey! :D_


	5. Scalene

**Ashy-note **A veeeery teensy-tiny Ruka fic. You see, as much as I adore the Ruka-Hotaru thing, I've always loved the triangle of Natsume, him, and Mikan. It's basically a classic, you know. So… Enjoy! :D Oh, and I might not be updating for some time because exams are coming up. You guys should know so you don't expect much.

Inspired by and dedicated to _**This Pen is Red**_. If you've read any of her fics, you'd know why this was inspired by her (although it was also inspired by the manga's Chapter 134).

(:

-/-  
Five **Scalene**

* * *

It was a love triangle, all right.

He loved her, _he_ loved her, she loved _him_. And him. But never really quite in the same way.

And it _is_ right next to chaos, this stupid routine they keep up, one of keeping away from the other's path.

Sometimes he couldn't help but wonder… _Where do I fit in? Who's made for me?_

It was a fair fight? _He's_ always had her since the very start.

Hearing the words of affirmation straight from her lips? It was the hardest part.

Freedom, they say? Non-existent.

Ironically it's the same kind of freedom that chains him up even more.

Was it too much to want? He wanted to hold her hand, laugh with her, be alone with her and kiss her and hug her and sleep next to her and wake up next to her and watch her grow and live with him and just talk about things that make life worth it. He wanted them to have talks about kids, and the house they'll live in, and the bunnies they'll raise along with brunette-blonde babies that scream their ears off but make them happy eternally nonetheless…

He wanted that.

He wanted her.

He _wanted_ her.

But sometimes, some things you want you simply can't have.

It's so cliché, really, and it's downright pointless to point that out; it doesn't make a difference anyway. Fact's been established. Curse has been laid. Verdict has been drawn upon him.

Despite all the efforts he had expended on keeping away from the imminent danger that posed itself neatly in front of him from the first time he saw Natsume look at her the way _he_ did, he fell.

He confessed.

And it was a no.

But of course it was. It always has been. He was just too hopeful for his own good to even see what was right in front of him all along.

It was a love triangle. Yes, it was, of course it was.

But it was skewed.

A scalene.

And his was the farthest side.

_I love you, Mikan._

* * *

Don't get me wrong, I love a happy Ruka, but it is such a refreshing (albeit heavy) change that Ruka is like this… and after all, I really loved the story of them three.

_~pV.| Ash._


	6. Him

**Ashy-note** Originally this was a stand-alone one shot but it was too short, so I decided to put it here in BBB. This is the prequel to _Her_ (chapter 4) and yeah, this isn't probably any good but I don't care. (:

-:|:-

Six **Him

* * *

**

For the record, he's not romantic. He has no idea how to say the right words at the right time, he's not the gooey-sweet-cheek type who drools all over all kinds if girls and demands people to drool over him as well (it's all a bit one-sided, _he_ likes being drooled over by all the crazy air-brained fan girls). He's not the kind of guy who knows how to make people go gaga over him (because bless him, he does it all unconsciously), and he's not the_ultramegasupersensitive_ kind who knows what moves to make and which paths to take.

He's still lost, like her, still finding out who he is and what he's after in life—although they're both clear on one thing, and that's each other.

He's smart but sometimes slow, and more often than not he's rude at undetectable times (well, she prefers to say 'all the time,'and everyone else pretty much agrees). He can get awkward and weird, and _seriously_, sometimes he irritates the socks off her heeled feet.

But really, despite the fact that he's not romantic or sweet, he _tries_…and it's a lot more meaningful (and yes, sweeter and also more romantic) to her, than simply maneuvering everything like a maze you've memorized like the back of your hand. It's the feeble attempts at flattery, the epic failures at being sweet, and all the other flibbertigibbets of his flagrant ignorance of love that makes it all the more quixotic (for loss of better words and for fear of repeating words). It's who he is, and she knows that if anything changes so abruptly, she'd lose it and probably fall out of love for him (although from where she stands now, _that _is pretty much impossible). Those things make him who he is and is every reason for what he means to her.

That much is more than enough.

Because in all actuality, _he_ alone is enough for her, because he comes with a very fine package deal. Having him means a great deal of his friends become her friends, too, and she knows it falls the same way with him. Having him also means having someone to scold her for drinking too much soda or not eating proper lunches, someone to tell her off when she starts being lazy, someone to praise her (which is _rare_, dear graciousness) or irritate her when needed (this one's too often done she's not even sure if it occurs only when _needed_), someone to walk her home, someone who makes sure she's never alone...someone who loves possibly every inch of her, from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toenails.

In a nutshell—to her, having him means happiness. Having him means never having to be lonely.

At all.

* * *

Sumire beamed at her piece of work, happy that she's finally over her fan-girl insanity for Natsume Hyuuga.

Koko was a lot more fun, after all.


	7. Questions

**Ashy-note **So short, so random, but I've always figured even Mikan would feel a little surprised at how Natsume fell for her.

Inspired by May Madness, might be updating sooner than half-expected. (: Sequel/Prequel to my other one shot, **_Sensible Senselessness_**.

-:|:-

Seven **Questions**

* * *

There's this one mystery that always bothered her, and up until now she still couldn't see what made her so damn special that he'd do anything and everything for her. Why was she the one who kept running away while he ran after her? What on bloody earth made him fall for her that hard?

So many other girls, much more who were actually beautiful, talented, smart.

Why _her?_

She's not even that pretty; she didn't even know if she knew the meaning of the word. It was past her reasoning as well when people told her she was beautiful; where did that put those beauty queens, then, if she was already hailed beautiful? No. She could not possibly be even half of the definition of the word because on the first place, she didn't even _think_ she was beautiful. Wasn't it some sort of placebo thing? Like, when you think it is, it's true? Well, if it is, then she bloody well isn't beautiful at all.

And she isn't smart. No explanations needed, seeing as she's spent years and years contemplating on the fact that she _abhorred_Math and could never ever find a way to like Math no matter what. Sure, she was a consistent A-student lately, but that's only because of her hard work.

_Uh, gosh, this is insane._

Maybe. Or maybe she knew she was just too shallow to see things beyond what the eye can conceive.

But she still didn't get it; how could anyone love her? Most of all, how could _he _love her?

_Oh. _

Too much thinking is making her head explode already.

Maybe she'll just let it be. For now, it was such a nice thing to know she has him.

After all, what difference could those reasons do?

She just smiled the questions away and drifted into a peaceful sleep of fluff puffs, smiling Hotarus, and of course, him.

* * *

_Haha! Disappointed, weren't you? :D I know it's short and rather pointless, but hey, it was worth writing it anyway. (:_

_~Ash._


	8. Koko and Lizards

**Ashy-note **Second post. MAY MADNESS INDEED.

-:|:-

Eight **Koko and Lizards**

* * *

During the period in which Natsume held within him the Alice of Telepathy, he'd managed to breach its powers a little. Actually, he'd breached its capacities for about five minutes.

It was wasted on watching and listening to Koko's thoughts about _lizards._

He rather wondered why he even bothered, but he had to admit, the mind reader didn't really have much in his mind to read himself. But it was interesting.

He never thought Koko _talked _to himself in his head. It was interesting. Morbidly so, especially to his part, because Natsume Hyuuga was naturally curious.

_See how they can stay upside-down for hours at a time and they never seem to fall off? __(Although in some cases, they do. It happened to me once, and it wasn't pretty.) _It reminds me of how some people can stay glued to your wrong side. I mean, they just keep _on ruining your day, don't they? But there always comes a time when they just fail and fall off the floor. That always gets me going. Hah! Seeing them falling apart because of their own stupidities just knocks me to a big session of LOLs. :)_

_For another, their bodies are extremely cold yet they somehow make it through summer. I wonder why..._

_Maybe they stick themselves into the fridge along with our food! _

_Or..._

_Or..._

_Maybe they sneak into our showers! Yeah, that ought to be it! (Filthy little sneak-creeps. How I'd love to squish 'em.) And even if they are cold, they still live! How cool is that? Seriously! Cold freaks!_

_For a third point, it interests me how small they are yet how they manage to live through a day of crossing roads full of rampaging cars and people running in all directions. I mean, really! How do they manage to not be run over by a ton-truck or get squished by a human foot? Ugh. I guess they're either really brainy or they're just plain lucky._

_And I'd go for lucky; they don't have much brains._

The lizard suddenly disappeared into a crack in the room's wall. He watched as Koko's faced scrunched up in disappointment.

_Stupid lizard_, he heard the mind reader mumble.

He afforded himself a few minutes' worth of laughs amidst the ongoing war. It was a nice escape.

Someday he'll definitely do something about Koko and his hidden affinity for lizards.

* * *

_Another random one. Sorry if they're all a bit... odd._

_~Ash._


	9. Query to the Ice

**Ashy-note **This one is half-inspired by my other one shot (A Lighter Shade of Black) because when I reread it today, I got this weird urge to write another Persona-Nobara fic, and though they aren't really a typical pairing, I'd give it a shot anyway; and the other half inspired by an MHR fic in _The Space Between Dreams and Reality_, a PxN one, too. I don't want to tell you the chapter so you'll have to go check it out yourselves and READ EACH AND EVERY CHAPTER because if you know better, you should. (:

So...

Consider this as Nobara's alter ego talking to her. After all, she _does_ have split personalities. :D

-:|:-

Nine **Query to the Ice**

* * *

Let's just say that _maybe_ you and him got together and yet it isn't acknowledged. Maybe it was just a mutual thing for which neither of you felt the need to confirm. Just _imagine, _that maybe there was more to what you are, than just a master and his apprentice.

Then if you think of it that way, it should be wrong. Everything about both of you should be banished.

He's older than you. He's veiled in secrecy and mystery, just like you are, and he's your superior. You also know how he feels about you. You know he's stuck between a desperate need to love you and the self-imposed obligation to hate you only because you're who you are. He reeks of death, he breathes it in and breathes it out, and yet why?

Why do you cling to him? Why can't you leave? Leaving him is no chore. It would be so easy, it would be just like flicking your fingers. He's aloof and guarded, he doesn't do sweet things for you, most of the time he's an arrogant jerk, and he's intent on pushing you away. So it would be too easy, right?

Yes, it would be, but the problem is _you_.

You are hopelessly swallowed by his black charms. You think it's not right, you know it _shouldn't_ be right… but you can't help it, can you?

You can't help but stay with him, can't help but love him…

Huh.

No, of course not.

Of course you can't.

Because it's part of the deal. Because you're _that_ taken by him. Because you're _that_ weak when it comes to him.

The few times that you've kissed could never have proven anything, no sparks couldn't be gravity, either, for though gravity keeps the world intact, it holds no power over emotions, let alone yours. No. No, it's not for those reasons, they're not enough to justify your reasons for staying. It's more than those; it's more than what those could ever be.

So maybeit's the reasons that have been playing around in your head since his surrender to you. Maybe it's the slow fire that ravages your veins at the merest touch. Maybe it's the euphoric feeling of metaphorical flight with each chaste promise sealed by both your lips. Maybe it's the way he stares at you, so strictly, so intensely, mingling emotions of hate and trust and doubt and affection. Maybe it's the way he takes off his mask around you, maybe it's the way he lets you see his naked self, raw and untainted by any charades.

Your reasons aren't perfect, and they never will be, but they are reasons enough for you. For these, you'd give it all.

You're his Mercedes, he's your Edmond. You're the countess, but not only of Monte Cristo— for you are the countess of his heart. You own him the way he owns you. Chained. Bound. Shackled. Tied to each other by bonds of fate, sworn to each other forever.

But haven't you seen enough of who he is? Haven't you seen the corruption that lives, thrives, thrashes around in turmoil inside of him? That darkened, tainted soul that he holds within… would you come to love that monster as well?

And yet you smile at the query. Oh, but then again, it was a stupid question, wasn't it?

Because of course, the answer would be yes.

Of course you would.

No matter that he kills in cold blood. No matter that he harbors hate in the very heart in which you dwell in. No matter that his very life seems to revolve around revenge. No matter that he's lost faith in all things, in all people. No matter that he's so consumed in twisted thoughts, so swallowed by the bleak horizon where his sun slowly sets.

No matter that he's got a pitch-black darkness within him. No matter that to him you're still a vague identity.

None of it matters to you.

You know better anyway.

You think it is but the murkier end of the alley of love.

So of course, of course you'd take it all.

* * *

_I'm not sure I did good on this, I'm kind of... torn as well. Hm._

_A review would be nice. (:_

_~Ash._


	10. Beautiful Thoughts

_Ashynote _Summer break is so... hot. I hate this time of the year. This one is two unrelated (but sort of related) Rui drabbles, because I love him so and he needs more love.

-:-

Ten **Beautiful Thoughts**

* * *

The world is a beautiful place, Rui concludes. After all, he lives in the world, he's part of the world, and he's beautiful—surely his beauty is enough to cover up for the ugliness of the rest of the universe.

Lying on his back under a tree by the male dormitories at five in the morning just as the sun starts creeping over the horizon, Rui has never felt as much resolve for his conclusion as then and there. How could he doubt the knowledge that the world is beautiful, that _he_ was beautiful? No, it is impossible to be false. The early-morning breeze sings praises to the world about him and his soft, silky hair; the light of the sun falls on him like a spotlight, intending to make the whole world know of his exotic charms; the birds chirp in the air in and his breathing conducts this wonderful orchestra; the sky clears itself of clouds to allow its blue-ness to permeate his eyes and douse him in satisfaction (because blue had always been his favourite colour); and even grass shed tears of joy once he looks at them (although he knows they are just dewdrops—but then again, the dewdrops are tears shed by the sky for him, and this he just knows). And with all that proof, how else could he think otherwise? How else could he deny the sole truth of the world being beautiful—of _him_ being beautiful?

Of course, the answer was simple: he could not, would not, _could never_. Because he _is _beautiful, and there is just no denying that.

Just as the thought rows itself across the rivers of his mind again, however, a dark shadow of navy blue flashes through the air in front of his eyes.

_Tsubasa-kun!_

Rui gets up and chases the source of the blue streak and finds himself right (as – _ehem_ – usual) when he sees that by the clearing, indeed, is Tsubasa. He wants to approach _Tsubi-kun_, but then he changes his mind—it is too early in the morning, it would only hurt his ears if the boy starts shouting his brains off again.

So instead Rui watches him.

It is a tad bit creepy, but then again nothing the DA ever did wasn't. In fact, Rui thinks that from the moment anyone becomes a member of the Dangerous Abilities class, anything they do will be branded weird or scary or threatening or creepy. Weird at best, threatening at worst. But right now, he can't find it in him to care—this is Tsubasa after all. The kid's probably so used to all of Rui's stalker tendencies. Rui smiles a little.

He chooses a spot somewhere close to the dense darkness of the forest and he revels at how smoothly the young boy walks, and how swift his legs carry him up the tree—the boy was agile, Rui had always given him that, in addition to the acknowledgment of the fact that the Shadow was extremely good-looking. He then watches as Tsubasa pulls his beanie over his eyes and falls into slumber.

Rui suddenly elapses into a silence in which he contemplates on how this is the one person who seems to completely disagree with the brilliant conclusion that _Rui is beautiful._ Tsubasa always negated that statement, and now that Rui comes to think of it, no one _really_ ever thinks the same thing about him. Well, except maybe for that sunshine of a girl Mikan. That sweetheart is a ray of light in such a blind world. Rui almost feels a sliver of hope, because at least he knows someone else can see his innate (and natural) beauty.

Other than his beauty, Rui doesn't actually think much of anything else that concerns relatively mundane affairs, such as boys. Sure, he does like Tsubasa, but it's really not the way everyone sees it. He likes how the boy flips whenever he pulls off some kind of creepy stunt, and the look on his face whenever Rui talks to him with so much innuendo oozing out of each syllable, but Rui doesn't _like _him that way. Rui understands that no one will ever like him that way either, so really, he can't be bothered with such ideal hopes. He only likes the chase. In that way, he is just as much a boy as any other.

Tono, he has to admit, actually got his hopes up. But Tono isn't a person so intent on staying true to another, which Rui thinks is rather sad, but is something he can't say he didn't see coming. Tono is handsome, perhaps a little too handsome, and he has charms, and he can dance and he reads classical literature and _oh my gods _Tono has a six pack so defined it trumps all dictionaries—

_Forget it, silly_, Rui thinks ruefully.

-;-

Rui sighs and plops his chin on his palm, watching as Tsubasa stirs up the tree. Three hours. That's how long Tsubasa naps on a tree branch. Rui wonders how people manage that; tree branches are thick and hard and bumpy and very uncomfortable. He remembers this one mission when he was forced by grumpy-Yakumo to sit down on an oak branch for _six hours_ on a guarding mission for a foreign ambassador. Oh, yes, Rui remembers clearly how every part of him ached afterward. Especially his behind. His behind remembers very, very well.

"What the _heck?!_"

Rui snaps back to reality and grins. Tsubasa looks at him disbelievingly.

"Oh, good, you're awake!"

"What the _fuck_ are you doing here, you perv—"

"Now, now, that isn't a very good thing you know," Rui slyly says. He puts on his flirtiest eyes and moves out of his hiding place; he rolls his eyes at the sky. The sun, it seems, put its spotlight back on him, so Tsubasa easily spotted him upon waking up. He clicks his tongue in annoyance. "Honestly, all this deity-given nature-attention sometimes ruins my wonderful plans!"

He glances at Tsubasa and sees the boy's eyebrows shoot up. "What… plans?"

Rui snickers. Really, must people _always_ assume the worst of him every time? "Oh, I don't really know, Tsubi-kun." Tsubasa scowls at the nickname. Rui knows it's a disgusting pet name, but whenever he sees Tsubasa's expression, it just becomes _so_ endearing. "This is a forest, with no one around, and _lots _of hiding places." He winks, for a stronger effect.

As planned, Tsubasa blanches. "What- You- Stop that! I have a girlfriend!"

Rui laughs hard, nearly doubling over. "Oh _gods!_ Head out of the gutter, Andou! I was just talking about a game of Hide and Seek!"

As planned, again, Tsubasa burns bright red and looks away. "Not my fault. Stinking creep, stalking me all the time."

"Am I really that bad?" Rui asks jokingly.

"Yes and no," Tsubasa replies, after regarding him for seconds, perhaps in wonder of the questions hidden intentions. "It's great for blackmail but horrible for forming friendships. Or relationships of any sort, in fact."

Before Rui spouts his predetermined retort, his mind takes over and slowly he realises: the last statement _kind of_ hit him hard. He doesn't know what it is about the sentence that made him feel as if ice replaced his heart, but he smiles at Tsubasa and leaves the forest with a cold, unfamiliar heaviness in his chest.

Perhaps later on he will come to name it as Loneliness.


	11. Five Things Part One: Natsume

**Five Things that Drive Natsume Crazy**

**Noise**. It isn't very obvious, considering his girlfriend and her rather boisterous tendencies, but Natsume Hyuuga actually _hates_ it when his quiet time is interrupted. It's ever a wonder to him that he manages to latch on to his very limited patience whenever his girlfriend saunters into his room or that secluded part in the forest while he reads or rests or just lies down, because the thing about Mikan was that once she starts, she never stops. (He's very thankful for Hotaru's mini inventions, like the invisible earpiece that blocks all noise and tells him what to respond whenever it detects questions. Sometimes it pays to have another genius as a friend.)

Even Class B's ruckus gets too much for him, which was a primary reason for his class-skipping. He believes anyone would want to rip their heads out if they heard Yuu and Sumire and Koko and Mochu and Kitsuneme and Mikan and Ruka - yes, even Ruka, because he keeps screaming at the ever so nonchalant Hotaru - all screaming in some kind of messed-up harmony.

* * *

**Ruka's pets. **Five years after leaving the Academy, Natsume and Ruka both found themselves sharing an apartment, partly out of habit and partly because they believe their respective girlfriends would be demons and that it would be too early to move in (they've got the rest of their lives to deal with the monsters a female body can harbour, so why not take their time right?). Most of their friends (Koko and Mochu especially) laughed about it, saying it was so "gay" and "bromantic" of them, but Natsume didn't really mind - until Ruka started bringing home pets.

Pet_s. In plural._

At first it was a harmless bunny, reminiscent of Usagi, which he didn't mind. And then there was a kitten. And then a dog, and then a gecko, and then a salamander and a parrot and a _wolf. _All of which Natsume patiently endured in silence. But when the giraffe came - and _no,_ he didn't give a damn about the fact that the giraffe just got homeless and was a baby and was barely seven feet tall as of the moment - Natsume absolutely put his foot down and contacted the nearest zoo (after ensuring that they had the best animal caretaking services, of course). Ruka sulked about that for weeks, and after the gang's insistence at him making a move to "fix their domestic row", he said yes to Ruka's plea of keeping the Komodo dragon he found wandering the forest during his earlier trip to Indonesia.

Hotaru, the sadistic female, commented on his apparent "whipped-ness", which then prompted him to start living with Mikan, and gave his full points against Hotaru.

* * *

**Trips to the mall with Mikan and/or Ruka. **He thought he'd been prepared well enough, knowing how horrible women could get while shopping, but with Mikan and Ruka, things get a little too out of hand. If it's with Mikan, he always finds himself too involved in dilemmas about apparel and whether it "looks good" on her (which is really problematic because anything looks good on her and in fact, if he were to be completely honest with himself, she looks best without all those clothing). With Ruka, it's pretty much the same, except he actually _coaxes_ Natsume into long-winded opinions that, frankly, always mean "I dunno, maybe".

* * *

**Ruka. **Hotaru, in a separate chapter, can attest fully to this, in addition to all the reasons already written here.

* * *

**Mikan. **Because it's Mikan. No one comes close to Mikan without being driven insane. The effect multiplies hundredfold once you're in love with her. So unfortunately for Natsume, he's receiving the full blow.

Still, it's not like he minds.


End file.
